HUMOR

This morning's story in the Dallas Morning News, about Stanley Marcus' previous home on Nonesuch Road in Lakewood, Dallas, brought to mind the many columns he wrote for the Dallas News. Mr. Marcus was a retail financier with wit and humor.

The following article , written by the late Stanley Marcus ,was printed in Viewpoints, Dallas Morning News several years ago.


English-speaking travelers to foreign countries always find information and signs and notices ludicrous. That is because Europeans and Asians struggle to translate their simplest ideas into English for those who can't read or understand the local languages.

Here are some interesting uses of the English language abroad:

...In a Bucharest hotel lobby: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. Until then, we regret that you will be unbearable."
...In a Leipzig elevator: "Do not enter the lift backwards. And only when lit up."
...In a Paris hotel elevator: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between 9 a.m. and 11 a.m. daily."
...On a basel restaurant menu: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
...In a Hong Kong Supermarket: "For your convenience we recommend courteous, efficeient self-service."
...In an Interlaken mountain Inn: "Special today, no ice cream"
...In an east African newspaper: "A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape, since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of the workers."
...In Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter."
...From a Moscow newspaper: "There will be a Moscow Exhibtion of Arts by 15,000 Soviet painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."
...Outside a Hong Kong dress shop: "Dresses for street walking."
...In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: :We take your bags and send then in all directions."
...In a Zurich hotel: "Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for that purpose."
...In a Stockholm furrier's window: "Fur coats made for the ladies from their own skin."
...On a Moscow hotel door: "If this is your first visit to Russia, you are welcome to it."
...In a Tokyo hosiery shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you will find they are the best in the long run.'
...In a Hong Kong tailor's window: "Order your summer suit. Because of big rush, we will execute customers in strict rotation."
...A sign posted in German's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden in our Black Forest camping site that people of different sexs - for instance, men and women live together in one tent unless they are married to each other for that purpose."
...In a Prague tourist agency: "Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages."
...In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."

If you lose your sense of humor, you're lost. Humor is the harmony of the heart, the virtual salt of live. Its presence is an evidence of good nature, of an appreciation of the real values of life.